Ok. The first week 'Underbelly: A Tale of Two Cities' was on, I didn't want to watch it. It was competing with 'Good News week' and 'Desperate Housewives', which I was already trying to watch simultaneously - no mean feat, and I'm a pretty good channel surfer. Also, I thought, IT DOESN"T EVEN HAVE VINCE COLOSIMO IN IT. How good can it be, if it's missing the number one 'gritty Australian crime drama' ingrediant?
But some strange force kept dragging me back to it, and in the end, 'Underbelly' completely seduced me. Being a mini-series, ( I mean 'an Australian TV event'), it has the appeal of a brief fling with an exotic stranger (with sideburns from the 70s), as opposed To GNW, who I kind of have an ongoing relationship with, and ok - sometimes take for granted a little. Desperate Housewives, in comparison, just looked pretty much like... well, desperate housewives. Even though Gabby has 'stacked it on', frumped up (it doesn't matter - her husband's blind), and had a bitch daughter - all very interesting developments - thanks Marc Cherry.
Anyhow, despite the 'stellar' cast, ("STELLAAAAAA!!"), being a mixed bag of Heelers, Daughters, Flying Doctors, Secret Lifers, Stingers, Home and Awayers, and even Sullivans, (No, don't killl John Sullivan! He's so nice!), the thing that I remember most about the first episode is Aussie Bob Trimbole's orange groves. Bountiful fruit above, no doubt richly fertilised by bits and pieces of ex-henchmen, and forgotten drug money. Weren't brown paper bags big in the 70's, btw? They are such a versatile item for the mobster on the go - being the container of choice for large sums of money, small body parts, and even sandwiches, at least, they were in those days. I don't know what the mobsters of today use - probably Tupperware, it's so much more environmentally friendly. But the oranges, reminiscent of a Cottees cordial ad, stood out to me the most - causing me to involuntarily whistle "My dad picks the fruit, that goes to Cottees, to make the cordial... that I like best!" for much of the show. A little incongruous to be cheerily whistling while dudes are being whacked on tv, but whatever. So to sum up episode 1 - Oranges.
Episode two - Kiwi Terry Clarke gets greedier, roots around a bit with a chick whose name I can't remember but whose rack I'll never forget (probably because it filled the screen for much of the episode), has a kid and turns into a bit of a psycho, (fair enough - these two things do often go together). Lots of whacking, and Terry takes this term quite literally, continuing to whack the dude to pieces after he's already killed him (he then goes home to his bit on the side, who thinks absolutely nothing of shagging him while he's still covered in blood. He probably then goes home to his 'legit' girlfriend, who probably thinks nothing at all of laundering his bloody shirt, being the good 70's chick that she was). And speaking of blood, Cottees are also probably getting a look in there, as TV blood is usually made up of chocolate topping with red food coloring in it. Yum!
But despite all the whacking and the polyester and the shagpile and every iconic 70's thing you can think of, the tits are the big winners here, with nubile young hippy chicks helpfully performing breast self-examination demonstrations for the viewers in the background of many of the scenes, particularly the club scenes, where they also kindly lather each other up in some sort of tub. Now that's kinship. I guess when the pimps in those days said their girls were 'clean', they really meant it!
Now I like boobies, and don't find them particularly offensive. They're functional, they're fun - hell, I even have some myself! And I have to admit to being a big mob show junkie, so I realise that it's neccesary to have topless bimbos writhing away in the background of every club, bar or kindergarten that mobsters hang out at, and cops have to attend 'to question a suspect'. That's just the law. But Underbelly has so many tit scenes, it's almost funny - to the extent that it damages it's credibitlity somewhat, (and yes - I would still say that if Vince Colosimo was on it). I also think the 8.30pm timeslot's a bit early - why the hell is Scrubs on at 10.30pm, and Underbelly at 8.30? This is a 9.30pm timeslot show, it has to be said. So to sum up epiode two - tits.
But overall I'm enjoying Underbelly, especially the rockin' 70's soundtrack, which includes Daddy Cool, Jo Jo Zep and The Falcons, and heaps of other good stuff. It's really taking me back. I'm sure there's plenty of topping yet to be spilt on the shagpile in coming episodes. And I'm sure that many others, (especially guys) are enjoying it also, for much the same reason as guys like to read Playboy - 'because they have great articles.' At the end of the series, it won't be the big hair, or the whacking, or the oranges, or the soundtrack we'll remember. It'll be 'So long, Underbelly. And thanks for the mammaries!'
