This house was built in Suffolk, England, for a couple who had lots of 'capitol' and some land. The architecht, an old school chum of the owner's, looks very much like David Walliams from Little Britain, (taking the piss out of an architecht who has just built a large, glass house). I don't think it is is David Walliams, although it wouldn't surprise me - he's pretty clever. He's swum the English channel, you know, and looks lovely in a dress.
The point of building this house, apparently, is to take advantage of the seasons, and to make a You Tube video that gets about a billionty hits. In the winter, the owners leave the roof on, to keep in the warmth. Or possibly take it off, to take advantage of the afternoon sun - I don't know. But when they want to completely show off, I mean, get some sun, the roof slides back like a bloody big foreskin, exposing the large, erect glass house. If they want to practise 'safe' house, I imagine they'd have to drape a huge tarp or something over it for extra protection.
Anyhow, it's very 'minimalist', and doesn't seem to have much furniture, apart from a couple of Ikea chairs. They're probably spewing they couldn't find any glass furniture to put in it, because now it just looks like all the other glass houses on the block. Or is it just that they couldn't afford furniture, because the house was so expensive? Maybe they can't even afford food, because they have to buy 10 gallons of Windex every week at the supermarket! They're probably living off the unlucky birds, who stupidly fly, kamikaze style, into their glass house, thinking: "Oh, I wonder what that lounge suite's doing sitting out in the open like that...SMACK!!". How sad.
How much fun would it be to get a friend, (who didn't know you had a sliding house), around, get him totally smashed, and then slide the roof back? Can you imagine how completely freaked out he would be? Now there's a You Tube I'd like to see! Or at least a 'Funniest Home Video'. We couldn't have a completely glass house - the kids and the dog would be covered in bruises, and maybe even sustain the odd head injury, from walking right into the glass. It's happened before.
But ironically, this house does remind me a bit of our house, which has a large row of huge glass windows at the back. It's passive solar, or as I like to call it 'passive-aggressive solar'. It's a very temperamental house, in that it has a concrete slab which is supposed to heat up when it reaches a certain temperature. It's designed to do that, apparently, but unfortunately, it is possessed, and produces heat only when it feels inclined. And it's often disinclined on the coldest, and wettest days of the year, when you come home from soccer, teeth chattering, expecting to enter a nice warm house.
To compliment this, we have an ornate, cast iron Norwegian fireplace, which doesn't hold enough wood to actually produce any heat to speak of, and is attached to an irritable and unpredictable chimmney, which may or may not function at all on any given day, especially the aforementioned winter days, which we like to enjoy sitting in the lounge room, wrapped warmly in blankets. This is because, on such days, whatever demon possesses our home, likes to watch us attempt to watch TV, while trying to get rid of the large plumes of grey smoke coming from the fireplace by turning both fans and the air conditioner on and opening all the doors and windows, while the rain pours romantically outside.
The agent and previous owners did not think these details were important enough to mention while we were looking at the house. Just like they didn't mention the fact that the house is the place where a million millipedes like to migrate and have their young at certain times of the year, and that coming downstairs on such mornings was not unlike walking straight into a scene from an 'Indiana Jones' movie. 'Indiana Jones and The Temple of The Giant freaking Millipedes'. I've been told that baby talc at the doorways is effective with millipedes. But why should I buy beauty products for them, when they're making my life a living hell?
They did mention the 'abundant birdlife'. But they did not mention how abundant it was, or the fact that the roof above our bedroom is the place that the whole community's abundant birdlife most like to hang out and have some sort of demented rave, which starts at about 5.00am. Dodo birds are not extinct. They are on our roof from 5.00am every morning, I swear to god, dragging dead bodies around or something.
But other than that, it's a beautiful house. As is the David Walliams designed, uncircumcised, glass house. I hope the video of the roof sliding on and off didn't turn you on too much. For a house, it's kind of porn, isn't it?
love the house with a foreskin ! Very funny....
You ought to be a stand up !!
Posted by: Elena | March 09, 2009 at 10:05 PM