From Elmo to emos... Actually, when I got up this morning, I found an emo in my bathroom - just staring at me! But it was just me - I forgot to take my mascara off again last night. Scary! This is my 'Tim Minchin' look - a cool look for a guy. Not so much for a lady girl like myself.
Anyhow, check out my mate Fox Klein's hilarious emo video, also featuring the lovely Nicky Talacko as the quack who's supposed to be coming to his Emo-tional rescue. You can check out both their shows at the Melbourne international Comedy Festival throughout April. After you've seen mine!
It seems she will stop at nothing to avoid working on her upcoming Melbourne International comedy Festival Show - not even speaking of herself in the third person! And watching You Tubes, and checking out her My Space, and Facebook, etc, etc...
So anyway, here's one of my favourite characters of all time, Elmo, trying to interview Ricky Gervais - who's being a very naughty boy. I love it when Elmo totally loses his shit in an interview! This is how I know he's a real person, (who just need some serious waxing) - not just some 'Hollywood puppet'. Like Zac Efron. Love it.
No, it's not some rock concert starring some old fossils, 'making a comeback', (that I didn't get to, and am not the teensiest bit bitter about!). It's Earth Hour, and I'm really going to try and turn everything off at 8.30pm tonight, so I can imagine I'm part of this very cool video. Oh, and to save the world and stuff!
I wasn't sure if I'd post this clip, because if it's it's not somewhat amusing, I usually won't post it. But when I'm unsure about a vid, I put it through a rigourous testing procedure, which I like to call: 'The Rigorous Testing Procedure'. Basically, this means if I watch something and it gives me a physical sensation, (I'm talking goosebumps here! Keep it clean, please!), I'll post it. And this clip gives me goosebumps - it moves me. This may be because I love the song on it, 'One Crowded Hour', by Augie March. Or I may be coming down with something. But the goosebumps never lie, so here's the clip. Happy Earth Hour!
(Do you think it would be poor form to be on Facebook during Earth Hour?)
Not much time for posting lately, having been in Adelaide last week to do three nights of awesome girly comedy show, 'Extreme Blonde', with fellow lady comic, Mel Buttle. Adelaide is a truly fun festival- great audiences, and loads of potential material with the Adelaide Bogan Festival... I mean, the Clipsal 500, running at the same time time. It's like a bloody big B & S ball, 24 hours a day!
Big thanks to our lovely friends, fellow funny chicks, Kehau Jackson and Maggie Moore, for all their help and support with our venue, The Griffin's Head, and a lovely long chinese lunch, (the kind that makes you really wonder: Why the hell aren't Chinese people really, really, fat?). Also to Kate Burr, who also let me check out the fabulous female comedy showcase, 'Titters', which was a great night.
We also got a lovely 'Talkfringe' review, with the reviewer describing the show as 'an unexpected last minute fringe delight'. Thank you, Geoff. We love you, and want to have your babies. Go the fringe! Definately on the 'to do' list for next year.
Thousands flocked to the Roman Catholic Church on the Island of Reunion after believers claimed to have seen the 'face of christ' in the pleats of a cushion which was attached to a priest's chair. Now I'm not one to rain on anyone's money spinning parade. Far from it. In fact, the other night, I myself saw Joaquim Phoenix's face in a slice of pizza, (not 'Walk The Line' actor, Joaquim Phoenix. I mean the 'homeless person chic', 'serious musician', barmy as batshit artist formely known as Joaquim Phoenix). I seriously considered putting it on EBay, but I was starving, and scruffy Joaquim pizza is actually pretty tasty.
No disrespect to the 'believers', but if the imprint in the cushion looks like the face of Christ, and a priest has been sitting on said cushion, doesn't it stand to reason that it might, in fact, be the priest's ass that looks like the face of Christ, rather than the cushion? I'm not suggesting that the priest's ass be put on display for people to worship, 24 hours a day. And obviously, a priest's backside would be a lot more difficult to sell on EBay than a cushion. I'm just saying... will the real vision of the face of Christ please stand up? I think it's on the priest's bum, and there's possibly a 'Da Vinci Code' style movie in it. Phillip Seymour Hoffman would be an excellent choice as the priest. But for the all important role of his bum, I can think of no better choice than Tilda Swinton, who would require very little in the way of make-up to play this convincingly.
Unfortunately, I couldn't find a photo of the holy cushion in question, but I did find one of 'Grilled Cheese Mary' - the half eaten slice of cheesy toast that CLEARLY LOOKS LIKE THE MADONNA that sold for $28,000 in 2004. I personally think that Grilled Cheese Mary looks more like a kewpie doll, but because there is at least a picture of her, in all her toastiness, I think Grilled Cheese Mary trumps Jesus face cushion at this stage.
A bit off topic, but my face looks like the pleats in a cushion after a big night. And I don't see anyone whacking a picture of that on EBay and declaring it a miracle!
In other news today, Pauline Hanson's head mysteriously appeared in photos of someone else's body, and some misguided editor thought it was newsworthy enough to put on the front page of The Sunday Herald Sun. Explain THAT!
This is an oldie, but it's one of my absolute favourites. It's actually an ad for a New Zealand Bakery. I don't know why, but there's just something about watching baked goods do a primal, tribal dance that really cheers me up. And today, lets just say I need a little ginger lovin'! So here's the cookie version of 'So You Think You Can Haka'. Enjoy!
Ok, it's fair to say I've dropped the ball a bit in regard to 'Underbelly Watch', but my main recollections of Episode 5: 'A Tale of Two Dickheads' , (ok, I renamed it that) are as follows. Brian Kane comes back to town, (although he should have stayed mainly on the plain), to avenge his brother's shagpile destroying murder at the hands of Ray Chuck and his two henchmen. He's a bit concerned that Ray Chuck might hurt his family, because he initially threatened Ray's family, which caused Ray to murder his brother. Brian now sees that the families might have been better left out of it.
So Brian's looking for someone to waste Ray Chuck, and finally offers the job to an enthusiastic, naked, Chris Flannery, who takes the call while doing breast examinations on two young girls, so they're left to finish the breast examinations on each other, but they don't seem to mind. Chris flannery sounds exactly like Elmer Fudd, and the guy who plays Chopper Read sounds exactly like comedian Heath Franklin playing Chopper Read.
Brian Kane really wants the hitman who topped Donald Mackay to kill Ray Chuck, but he can't do it, because he's got that chronic hitman's complaint, 'A sore shoulder'. Disgusted, Brian realises if you want a job done right, you have to do it yourself, and dresses up like Rolf Harris to kill Ray Chuck in the courthouse. Brian later gets killed, but they don't bother to show that, so there's no 'closure' as far as I'm concerned.
In Episode 6, which I've renamed 'Nicked', Allison's ex, Rob, gets nicked and sings like a bird. Terry takes him out to whack him, but then only ends up whacking him, literally, with a cricket bat. Terry checks his friends Doug and Izzy in to rehab, then checks them out to party with him in Queensland while he 'lies low', which means doing heaps of drugs while the girls get their boobs out. Terry gets nicked as a result of signing into the hotel as 'Joh Peterson'. He should have signed in with a stutter if he wanted to pass himself off as Joh.
Terry ends up getting extradited to New Zealand, where he's defended by a hot lawyer in a trenchcoat. You can see where this is going, can't you? Junkies Doug and Izzy also sing like birds about Terry, and when Terry hears Doug saying he's a mediocre painter on tape, he gets really pissed. Terry tricks Mr and Mrs Junkie into doing 'one more job' for him, and they unknowingly rock around to the hitman's motel, (fortunately for Terry, his shoulder's better now), where they also get whacked. The hitman takes them out to the bush, but now his shoulder's really playing up - so he doesn't really bury them properly. He really needs to retire.
Allison's now starting to wonder if Terry's really that nice a guy. Because previously, apart from the drug running, and the murdering, and the bad painting, and the infidelity, she thought he was really quite nice.
While messing around on the net to thoroughly research this journalistic masterpiece, I stumbled upon a blogger who, just like me, enjoys taking the piss out of Underbelly. In fact, Darzelle Wixton-Smythe, aka Jo Jo Blogs, aka Jo Thornely, does such an awesome job of covering the events as they unfold, I might even leave it to her from now on. So if you want to get even more belly laughs than watching the real Underbelly, you can check out her blog, Jo Jo Blogs, here:
This house was built in Suffolk, England, for a couple who had lots of 'capitol' and some land. The architecht, an old school chum of the owner's, looks very much like David Walliams from Little Britain, (taking the piss out of an architecht who has just built a large, glass house). I don't think it is is David Walliams, although it wouldn't surprise me - he's pretty clever. He's swum the English channel, you know, and looks lovely in a dress.
The point of building this house, apparently, is to take advantage of the seasons, and to make a You Tube video that gets about a billionty hits. In the winter, the owners leave the roof on, to keep in the warmth. Or possibly take it off, to take advantage of the afternoon sun - I don't know. But when they want to completely show off, I mean, get some sun, the roof slides back like a bloody big foreskin, exposing the large, erect glass house. If they want to practise 'safe' house, I imagine they'd have to drape a huge tarp or something over it for extra protection.
Anyhow, it's very 'minimalist', and doesn't seem to have much furniture, apart from a couple of Ikea chairs. They're probably spewing they couldn't find any glass furniture to put in it, because now it just looks like all the other glass houses on the block. Or is it just that they couldn't afford furniture, because the house was so expensive? Maybe they can't even afford food, because they have to buy 10 gallons of Windex every week at the supermarket! They're probably living off the unlucky birds, who stupidly fly, kamikaze style, into their glass house, thinking: "Oh, I wonder what that lounge suite's doing sitting out in the open like that...SMACK!!". How sad.
How much fun would it be to get a friend, (who didn't know you had a sliding house), around, get him totally smashed, and then slide the roof back? Can you imagine how completely freaked out he would be? Now there's a You Tube I'd like to see! Or at least a 'Funniest Home Video'. We couldn't have a completely glass house - the kids and the dog would be covered in bruises, and maybe even sustain the odd head injury, from walking right into the glass. It's happened before.
But ironically, this house does remind me a bit of our house, which has a large row of huge glass windows at the back. It's passive solar, or as I like to call it 'passive-aggressive solar'. It's a very temperamental house, in that it has a concrete slab which is supposed to heat up when it reaches a certain temperature. It's designed to do that, apparently, but unfortunately, it is possessed, and produces heat only when it feels inclined. And it's often disinclined on the coldest, and wettest days of the year, when you come home from soccer, teeth chattering, expecting to enter a nice warm house.
To compliment this, we have an ornate, cast iron Norwegian fireplace, which doesn't hold enough wood to actually produce any heat to speak of, and is attached to an irritable and unpredictable chimmney, which may or may not function at all on any given day, especially the aforementioned winter days, which we like to enjoy sitting in the lounge room, wrapped warmly in blankets. This is because, on such days, whatever demon possesses our home, likes to watch us attempt to watch TV, while trying to get rid of the large plumes of grey smoke coming from the fireplace by turning both fans and the air conditioner on and opening all the doors and windows, while the rain pours romantically outside.
The agent and previous owners did not think these details were important enough to mention while we were looking at the house. Just like they didn't mention the fact that the house is the place where a million millipedes like to migrate and have their young at certain times of the year, and that coming downstairs on such mornings was not unlike walking straight into a scene from an 'Indiana Jones' movie. 'Indiana Jones and The Temple of The Giant freaking Millipedes'. I've been told that baby talc at the doorways is effective with millipedes. But why should I buy beauty products for them, when they're making my life a living hell?
They did mention the 'abundant birdlife'. But they did not mention how abundant it was, or the fact that the roof above our bedroom is the place that the whole community's abundant birdlife most like to hang out and have some sort of demented rave, which starts at about 5.00am. Dodo birds are not extinct. They are on our roof from 5.00am every morning, I swear to god, dragging dead bodies around or something.
But other than that, it's a beautiful house. As is the David Walliams designed, uncircumcised, glass house. I hope the video of the roof sliding on and off didn't turn you on too much. For a house, it's kind of porn, isn't it?
